I'll tell you this much: I am going to live my life if it fucking kills me.

Getting home to see the family was really good. Thanksgiving day saw almost all of the family (and more) at the house, good company and food (my dad deep fried a turkey!). Also I got to see Tom, Dave, Rory, Tyler, Aaron and Kyle. It was a good time to recognize how fortunate I am. I hope Thanksgiving treated you well.

This week: Rory's coming to visit on one of the last legs of his epic journey.

I'm not miserable. Far from it.

To the casual observer (and me), I've got it all. I'm young, smart and attractive. I have good friends and am meeting more all the time. My job provides lots of opportunities for professional development and when I leave I'll have gained valuable experience. I've got a fatty place and I want for no possessions (except maybe this). I'm basically always doing "what I want" even if I don't get everything in. I don't have any big commitments (people to support, etc), I have lots of safety nets, I'm supported by my family and friends. My stress is like nothing - work is smooth and no pressing outside engagements.

Last weekend the worst thing that happened is the club we went to had music I didn't like. And I slept too much and didn't do a few things. And my feet keep me off a few things. That's the level of discomfort I have in my life.

What's wrong with this? Nothing, that's what.

My life is cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet. My life is sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. *

Most of my time is spent appreciating this. It's not like I'm seething with rage all the time, or even most of the time; I'd say on average I spend less than 5 minutes a day seething with rage and some days none! But it does happen... character flaw I guess.

batshit

Ed's right, my blog amounts to so much batshit.

Let's see, what's juicy?

I wonder if I'm totally broken for permanent romantic relationships after that girl back in the day. I'm sort of involved with someone, and it seems that we both have the same thing in mind - her quote "maybe I could get married in ten years, because maybe in ten years I'll change". I was all about that. I'm straight with people about my intentions, but I don't really intend anything to be "serious". I donno, I totally am disillusioned and don't foresee it changing soon. How fucked up is that.

I can't be an engineer for long unless something changes a lot. I can't become the people at work. I'll kill myself.

There's lots of stuff wrong with the world. I think about it some. I'm not doing a hell of a lot about it. And it tears me up, then I go have fun and my concerns are forgotten like tears in the rain.

I can't write worth shit. Nothing of significance I think about comes to a logical end. I'm doing stuff, but I feel like my life is at a standstill. My life's hard if I think about it, easy if I take it as it is. Things are changing a lot, but it's all too safe. I'm hitting a rhythm, but is it what I want? It sure is fun. Am I just distracting myself? Is it all just a side show? It's hard to tell. What's the point? My answer to that a while ago was "to fulfill my obligations (to family, friends, people in general) and pursue what I enjoy". Not too terrible? I don't think I'm being a "bad" person, but things feel amiss. People tell me I'm good, but you can't rely on that. They also say I shouldn't feel responsible for the problems of the world. But I do. But I can't have it all. And it's too much. So much batshit.

As far as I know I totally coined "Lord of Your Evening" and "The Two Towers of All Your Time" as more accurate descriptions of the new Lord of the Rings movies. Tom has asked me if I've got a new moniker for "Return of the King" yet (Dec 17th... who's counting the days? 27), and I'm drawing a blank. Nothing has been short enough yet, and "Return of Your Evening King" is lame, and the "Return of the King of Your Time" is lame, and "Return to the Theater for Hours" is lame, etc. Anyone else got an idea?

In other news, I will be back in Chicago Tuesday night and am staying through Sunday. Drop me a line if you'll be in the area - so far Tom, Dave and Rory will be having dinner with my family (ALL of us... lots of people) on Thanksgiving. I will also be home for two weeks at Christmas and would definitely consider another trip in that time...

This weekend was pretty sweet.
Saturday I went with some people from work to go rock climbing.

me getting over the "crux" (hard part) of this climb which our instructor said was a 5.10 by the Yosemite Decimal System (not bad in my shape...)

After cleaning up we all met at the James Joyce Pub (a 20 minute walk away from my place) which is on my short list of cool places in Baltimore (they built it in Ireland and shipped it over here!). After that everyone wanted to go home, but I got a call and met up with some other people over at the Power Plant Live for bar hopping and clubbing. I now don't feel awkward abstaining from alcohol while with lots of people who are drinking... it’s a bit tougher than you might think – but all in all operation temporary alcohol renunciation is going well.

Sunday I hosted my first dinner for non-neighbors. Good times.

Last weekend was really fun also... it’s nice that I’ve finally got my feet on the ground socially here.

I saw Lost in Translation last weekend and it made me want to go to Japan, alot. So I’m tentatively planning on going sometime in late February to April next year – let me know if you want in...

i just totally fell down on my stairs of death... and luckily i dont think i'm hurt... talk about scary though. sheesh.

Mom Finds Out About Blog - a nightmare to many bloggers... Since my mom is super cool (and part of the reason I started this thing), I havent been too worried. It is funny sometimes when others find it though.

While eating at Whole Foods - my pants vibrate and ring and I gotta wonder - who's calling me? Caller ID - oh, hellloo...

"Hey..." I'm interrupted before I can say anything stupid "I found you," she says ominously. Duh, uhm, oh! Right. Well, that means she looked (gooood)

"Yeah? haha, good work, was it hard?"

"No, but I've never seen anyone do this, why would you? It's like your whole life is there for anyone."

"Yeah... I don't mind sharing what I do, and I'm kinda used to it now, I've been doing it for a few years and it's a good way to stay in touch with people."

"Since 2001, I saw!" Oh sheesh, she's been digging. "I read about that time you got drunk in October."

"Haha, good times." Ugh... Change of topic. "Hey, I wrote about you!"
...

anyways, who thinks that this is a good name for a buisness? I mean, who is like "man, I need to associate drive by's with advertising!"

being awesome is totally kickass

ok, i declare the "high five" to be the classiest way to end a date EVER.

Dear hot art girl, How are you so hot and artsy? Do you take vitamins? Why don't you look at all interested when I try to talk to you? Can you smell my desperation? I swear it's the greasy hipster next to me! Alright fine, talk to the guy with the ring through his chin, you're right, he is cooler than me. Love, Alex

Kent Bye hooked me up with this underground art opening dealie tonight. When I first walked up to this building I doubted people could live in it, the elevator looked like it could break at any second and I didn't see any stairs, the third floor button was on the floor until I put it back in its socket.

The elevator opens and you're in their studio. Fuck hallways. The place was exactly what I wanted to find when I was apartment hunting. It has these sweet wood floors, big open spaces, high ceiling and a Hobbit style door.

These six artists live here... it's pretty neat. The show wasn't even as formal as an "opening", this guy that lived there just put all of his works on display and invited anyone interisted in coming. In the background of conversation played music by his friends who make this techno-y music from samples, some of it was pretty good. Also, girls who hang out at these things kill me. I need to get cool...

how do you meet new people?

here are some things i've tried:
meetup.com meetups
poker games
people at work
block parties
makeoutclub
talking to people in bars (that didnt work)

my results have been pretty ok... but i really dont have any "go to" people around here (except in dc), you know? like "hey, lets go do something" people.

what do you do?

also, blogroll now by alphabet... too hard to decide who i like more and who posts the best stuff...

bastard: its been a good last year :-D
alex: yeah
bastard: after I broke up with stace
bastard: kelly
bastard: lori
alex: my senior year was pretty good
bastard: jeanne
bastard: laura
alex: yeah... not that good
bastard: and kelly and stace
bastard: again
alex: hahah
bastard: my first 3 years was only stace
bastard: no one for the first 1 1/2
alex: well, kelly
alex: sorta
bastard: kelly and kristen
bastard: krysten
alex: i dont think i met krysten
bastard: kelly's friend
alex: heard about her all the time though
bastard: well there was krysten
bastard: and kristin
bastard: kristin was my dad's assistant
bastard: i think you met her
bastard: whatever
bastard: I am determined to find a girlfriend before I am done

Well, that was an artsy evening. Kent Bye, who I know from Rose even though he graduated in 1998, is now an independent film maker who lives in Baltimore having recently quit his systems engineering job at The Company. Anyways, I met with him and his crew at The Charles Theater to see Sylvia. The Charles Theater is cool – definitely one of the best parts of Baltimore I’ve been to so far. Sylvia really didn’t do anything for me though – the focus was too narrow a view of the person and the sound track was really heavy handed. It was depressing, also.

Anyways, from there we went to the "G-Spot" which is an "art space" to see one of Kent’s friend’s friend’s band. This place is really underground. You walk through these hilly streets (no parking near by) and go down this dark ally to get to it. The band was a psudo-experimental dealie with an orchestral flavor and films to go along with the music. Not just any films, old skool 8mm films that look like they were dunked in dust to add that extra artsy effect. It was just too goth for me to really get into, so I sat underneath one of the art pieces on display: a chest high urinal that had been filled with sand, a cactus and paper-machete’d in one dollar bills. Good times.

Well, it was nice to finally get into the Baltimore arts scene..

Gah!

Here’s an exercise in frustration:
Go to the Maryland Transportation Administration’s website.
Try to find a map.